WESTERN PETROLEUM MARKETERS ASSOCIATION CONVENTION AND TRADE SHOW
MIRAGE HOTEL, LAS VEGAS, NEVADA, FEBRUARY 21, 2007

Children are nature's way of making sure you don't have too much money.

A teenager is like a two-year-old with keys.

At my age, I've given up the concept of being a macho man and I'm happy to sit on the sofa with a beer and be nacho man.

If anyone believes it's a man's world, they owe it to themselves to have a wedding. Because then they will understand exactly how little importance and input you will have.

My wife wants checks that are pretty. I'm a man. I just want checks that will clear.

Diamonds are a girl's best friend. What's a man's best friend? A dog.

The man's job in most marriages is to drive the bad car. I've got a ring, a lunch box, and an old car. I'm a married man.

There are several things a married man should learn to say if he wants to stick around:
Honey, you were right. I was wrong.
Sorry. I won't do it again.
How could I be so stupid?
I don't deserve you.
I would marry you all over again.
No, you're much prettier than that tramp.
That dress makes your butt look small.

Men prize and value productivity and efficiency. Women prize and value beauty and things that feed the soul. I think this explains why, in this day and age, there are still candle stores.